Demisexual is a term given to people who do not have any form of sexual attraction to others unless there is a form of emotional attraction. Like members of the LGBTQ community who can be identified with the rainbow-colored flag, demisexuals can be identified by the demisexual flag that is made up of four different colors – black chevron, gray, white, and purple.
Demisexuals fall under the umbrella of asexuality but are not fully seen as asexual. It is a different thing to make a decision to embrace abstinence than not having the feeling at all. You can only be categorized under this sexual orientation when you lack sexual feelings, not when you apply extra efforts to neglect the sexual feelings.
The History Of The Demisexual Flag
To date, the history of the demisexual flag remains unknown. Nevertheless, one can still attach its origin to the asexual community as the demisexual flag bears the same colors. The asexual flag colors are traced down to the AVEN logo. AVEN means Asexual Visibility & Educational Network. The same asexual forum coined the word demisexual in 2006.
The Demisexual Flag
The flag is made up of four different colors that have various meanings. Since demisexuality is the gap between sexuality and asexuality. Most of the colors in the demisexual flag have asexual meanings. Below are the associated meaning of the colors in the flag.
- The black chevron stands for asexuality
- The gray stands for the gray asexuality or the demisexuals
- The white means the sexuality personalities
- The purple represents the community
Types Of Demisexual Sexuality
It is very important to identify the two types of demisexuals in order to gain a clearer understanding of what the orientation is all about.
The panoramic demisexual personalities are those demisexuals that are attracted to all gender. They believe they can gain emotional attraction from any gender and thereby achieve a sexual attachment with anyone. They are likely to fall under any of the LGBTQ community and still find emotional attractions within the genders.
They are closely related to the panoramic demisexuals but differ as they focus more on a specific gender. If a biromantic demisexual is a lesbian, the focus of the search for emotional attraction will be centered on that particular gender.
Emotional Bond That Helps A Demisexual Form Sexual Attraction
The emotional bonds that spur sexual attraction in demisexuals go a long way to be determined by the closeness between the two parties. There are a couple of emotional bonds or attributes that need to be in place before a demisexual can be sexually aroused. Since a demisexual finds it difficult to have sexual attractions, it is on the part of the other party to cross the boundaries by any possible legal means. The emotional attributes are as follows:
Setting Up The Right Mood
Most demisexuals react to certain moods. This is not restricted to all as it is possible for some to disregard a sexual emotional mood from a stranger. However, in some cases, a quiet environment with the required privacy and proper sensual music can do the magic. Find that perfect time when you will not be engaged in activities, preferably on weekends, especially on a cool evening. This can gear up a demisexual’s sexual attraction even without asking for sex.
Create A Buildup
It is very important that you drag the mind of a demisexual into sexual feelings through naughty words. This is the most used technique of dragging them into sexual attractions. Sexual moments should come as a result of predetermined thoughts. Once a demisexual is dragged into an erotic phone conversation, it is very easy for them to have a sexual attraction.
Sexual Emotional Pity
This is one of the major techniques that is used for a demisexual. Find your way into the emotional part of the demisexual and take advantage of the emotional weak point to build up an attachment which can be applied with a little seduction in achieving sexual attraction.
Other Terms For Demisexuality
When describing demisexual personalities, there are certainly other names that can be used interchangeably to describe the word demisexual. They mean the same thing and should not be mistaken for other things. They include the following:
- Low sexual intensity
Myths And Misconceptions About Demisexuality
There are so many misconceptions about people with low sexual intensity, this may be attributed to the fact that it is not a regular open phenomenon. So, people tend to base their conceptions on the traditional patterns of casual sex occurrence during a relationship. Looking at the misconceptions about demisexuality. Most of these misconceptions occur as a result of the inability of people to identify the gap between someone with normal sexual ability and an asexual personality. In between the gap is the demisexual group of people. Below are some important misconceptions:
Demisexuality Is The Same As Celibacy
This is one of the misconceptions people are having about demisexuality. Celibacy is a control measure applied to totally abstain from having sex. This is very different from a person who must have an emotional reaction in order to be sexually attracted. You have no choice to make on whether to have sex or not in demisexuality.
Demisexuals Are Priggish Or Sex-averse Personalities
A lot of misconceptions took demisexuality to mean persons that are attributing self-righteousness to their personalities which led to them being totally aversive towards sex and its likes. Demisexuals are far from priggish or sex-averse personalities as they get to enjoy sex like every other person as long as there is a sexual emotional bond.
Demisexuals Are People That Are Scared Of Intimacy
This concept is very far from personalities with demisexuality. They are not scared of intimacy. They are personalities that can be in a relationship but needs a closer emotional bond to be sexually active.
Demisexuality Is A Response To Sexual Assault
This is the most harmful misconception about demisexuals. A lot of people believe that it is an effect of a high level of sexual assault. But demisexuality is very far from this fact as it can happen to those who have never experienced any form of sexual assault. Most of them are personalities with a very busy lifestyle and are too focused on other things than sex.
Is Demisexuality The Same As Being Asexual?
They are far from being the same. But certain factors tend to link them together. An asexual personality is a person that fails to experience any sexual attraction, thereby lacking full interest in having sex. They embrace other forms of arousal aside from sexual arousal and are non-sexual in nature. Demisexual accepts sexual arousal but it must be as a result of an emotional bond that doesn’t just happen automatically. A demisexual takes the time to build a sexual mindset in a relationship.
The closest relationship between the two is that before the existence of an emotional bond in a demisexual, there is an existence of an asexual attribute which is a total lack of sexual attractions. But as soon as the emotional bond starts growing, the personality finds its way out of the circles of asexuality into demisexuality.
The Difference Between Demisexual and Sapiosexual
Demisexuals are not the same as sapiosexuals. The term sapiosexual is related to one that has a sexual attraction to another person based on existing high intellectual capabilities. They get turned on based on the intellects of one they have feelings for and not on genitals. Most men in this category are said to be attracted to beauties with brains. The demisexual cannot gain the emotional bond required to have a sexual attraction through intelligence, or the intellect of someone they have feelings for.
The relationship between demisexual and sapiosexuals is that they finally find themselves in a sex state despite coming from different propelling factors. This means that whether the sapiosexual gains the sexual attraction through the level of intellect displayed or the demisexual through an emotional bond, they both end up in a sexual relationship.
How To Know If You’re Demisexual
It is very important to identify certain characteristics that define a demisexual. Below are a few characteristics that identify one as a demisexual:
Observation Of A Sexual Life That Feels Different
Even before having the knowledge of what demisexuality is, most people in this category just have a concluded view that they have an abnormal sexual life. It is important to have a closer look if it is based on demanding an emotional bond in all your sexual attachments. Then be rest assured you fall under the group of demisexuals.
Gets Irritated During a Physical Touch
Demisexuals often avoid romantic touches from a short-time relationship partner. They tend to shy away from the dance floor but get to gradually acknowledge the efforts of the partner with time as they create emotional attachments.
Demisexuals Enjoy Sex When Certain Emotional Requirements Are Achieved
Demisexuals tend to feel highly uncomfortable when they are naked before someone they have not grown an emotional bond with. They feel exposed instead of being aroused. They need that time to bond together before having sexual urges.
Demisexuals Desire To Have Relationships But Not The Sexual Aspect
It is a misconception to believe that a demisexual doesn’t desire to be in a relationship. They desire relationships but take emotional attachments seriously before moving over to the sexual part of a relationship. They are the kind of personalities that can actually end a relationship instantly because they find themselves being lured into the sexual part of it but goes back with the regrets associated with relationship breakups.
A Demisexual Has A Poor Hook-up Culture
Demisexuals find it extremely difficult to hook up a date with a friend, even when they do, they see it as another date – meeting a stranger, which will end up with a handshake. They find having a one-night date that lasts till morning highly irritating.
Demisexuals Mostly Depend On Masturbation For Sexual Satisfaction
Most times to satisfy their sexual desire they get involved in masturbation. This helps them fill the vacuum of not going through an uncomfortable sexual experience with a stranger.
Demisexuals Value Sex with Deeper Connections
To them, sex must be with a deeper emotional attachment so that they can have a better understanding of their partner and tends to appreciate the time spent to achieve satisfaction.
Demisexual’s Dating History Runs Through Friends
The easiest way of identifying a demisexual is to check if his relationship history runs through the friend zone. To them, it is the best way of getting to properly know the person before moving into a relationship. They most times end up dating two in a group of five friends.
A Demisexual Enjoys Sexual Fantasies
They love creating imaginations on a sexual relationship and are most times addicted to porn and erotic write-ups. This is because they tend to have created an emotional bond with the characters under their imagination.
Demisexuals Don’t Flirt
They have this personality that finds it extremely difficult to flirt around, which will involve having unwanted discussions with strangers. They go as far as avoiding flirty jokes with strangers at the bar. They are good at finding out any slight flirting attitude even without your notice.
FAQS About Demisexuals
- Can anyone be demisexual?
Yes, anybody can find himself exhibiting the attributes of a demisexual. It is not something that is regularized by race or region.
- Is demisexuality associated with any of the LGBTQ?
Demisexuality is not restricted to lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ Community). It is an attribute that requires emotional bonding before there can be a sexual urge. Some demisexuals are biromantic in nature (focus on a single sexual community) while others are panoramic in nature (can find emotional attachment from more than one sexual community).
- Do demisexuals last in a relationship?
Most times they do not last in a relationship because they tend to easily quit a relationship that has no in-depth emotional bond before sex. On the other hand, they have the tendency of lasting in a relationship that took time to create an emotional bond before sexual attractions.