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Predictions for This Year's Office Holiday Party

by Anna Lefler, posted to Just for Fun

No, I'm not psychic, but I've got a hunch or two...


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The Cute Guy from Sales Won't Be There

That's right, the one with the pillowy lips who was going to teach you to do the Dougie will blow off the work party to go out with his friends. And the next morning, he'll tell you what an awesome time he had.

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You Will Hate What You're Wearing

Sure, it looked super-cute the night before in your full-length mirror, but in the harsh fluorescent light of Big Conference Room A+B, you will feel about as feminine and attractive as John Lithgow in drag.

Larissa: This is hilarious...can't imagine what you typed into Google images to find this lovely number.

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New Categories of Food Will be Encountered

Due to recent cost-cutting measures, previous buffet favorites will be replaced with renegade offerings such as Krab Whip Lite while others will retain their original names but now sport intriguing quotation marks, as in 'Dip.'

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Employees Will Break Into Work Gangs, Just Like "West Side Story"

That's right - the Xerox guys and the receptionist ladies. The janitorial dudes and the IT team. The human resources folks and the accounts receivable posse. Glares. Posturing. Finger-snapping.

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There Will Be Tears

It's unclear at this point whose tears they will be, but you can count on them.

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Your Secret Santa Will Be the Cheapest Person on Staff

While you scoured stores looking for a cool gift that fit within the prices rules, the person who bought your present was outraged at having to crack the $2 price ceiling they suggested at the planning meeting. Oh, well, you can always use another nail file, and the fact that it's used is good for the environment...right?

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There Will Be Oversharing

Ever wonder what your coworkers make? Now that the controller is lubed up with egg nog, wonder no more. Secret crushes? Pilfered petty cash? Reenactments of 'Glee' numbers on the loading dock after closing? Oh, it's all coming out tonight.

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Your Boss Will Ask the Status of Your Project

So just bring the file with you. You know you're going to need it. And, in the meantime, you can use it to carry tortilla chips.

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That Woman from [Fill in the Department] Will Show Way Too Much Cleavage

Suggested by Eden Godsoe

She does it every year - buys a dress 3 sizes too small and proceeds to shake her tatas all over the dance floor. This year's holiday party will be no different...

Anna Lefler: Oh, gawd, yes!

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They will forget to invite telecommuting staff

Suggested by Peyton Price

On a conference call the day before the party, your boss will mention he won't be available the following afternoon, but you knew that...awkward pause...oops, no one invited you?

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The alcohol will run out before you're drunk.

Suggested by Sofia Ashraf

You pace yourself all night. You get that slight buzz going, hoping to get happily inebriated by the end of the night. But you've waited too long and before you know it, the alcohol's run out, everyone's drunk and you're the only one who doesn't understand why the 'cupcakes' joke is funny.

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comments (1)

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CatK:

 Made me laugh out loud!